he wants to bone in the snuggie
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
