Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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