When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize