I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
