Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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