Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
