I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
