I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
