Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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