you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
