I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
