guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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