Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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