member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
