Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
