if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
