I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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