I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
