yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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