I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
