im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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