i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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