there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have fence marks all over my body
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
