I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
