As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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