I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
