you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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