If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
