Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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