i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
