Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
