Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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