i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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