remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
