Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You took a bar mat shot.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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