I wannas sexs uuuuu
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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