i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
