I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
