He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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