if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
