$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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