last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
