I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
