You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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