im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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