I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
