it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
