I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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