it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
