I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What a dumb baby whore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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