i think my tv is drunk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
