All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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