My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
