You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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