I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
