I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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