At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
