you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
