Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
