What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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