I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize