new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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