I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
