I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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