I wish I could teleport
I look better un-naked...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
