If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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