apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
