I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
