I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
