I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
