i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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