It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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