you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
