my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just high enough for therapy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
