Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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