Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
