the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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