You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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