the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
